Self-tanner has traditionally been marketed only to women as if men aren’t also out here looking white as paste. In the age of gender equality, this hardly sounds fair. However, we are not here to blame the ladies for hogging all the finest personal care products. Lucky for you dapper gents, you’ve got us. And we’ve gotchu, fam. We work really hard (er, we work) to encourage men to ditch their ashen undertones and try a self-tanner. If you need a little more encouragement, then here are five reasons why men need self-tanner.
Self-Tanner Now, Less Botox Later: Yes, sunshine is free. But that pesky little ball of hydrogen and helium spends all of its time sending harmful rays that cause dark spots and wrinkles. We here at Bro Glo encourage a nice SPF on top of the glowing tan that our awesome tanner provides. If you're still insistent on getting wrinkles, may we suggest smoking and hard living?
Blemishes Don’t Discriminate: Men have faces, too. And those faces sometimes get breakouts or discoloration. It happens. Are bros really just supposed to walk around confidently with a splotchy complexion and expect the ladies to come hither? Psh. Self-tanner will give you a gleaming glow while evening out the tone of that handsome mug. Side effects of this phenomena include attracting awesome chicks, looking like you just stepped out of the volleyball scene from Top Gun, and loads of unearned confidence. Come hither, indeed.
The Goth Look Died 15 Years Ago: Back in the aughts, some well-intentioned people tried to make that pale goth look a thing. And though it was fun while it lasted, time was not kind to Marilyn Manson. And rightly so. Look no further than the fact that about zero human being are still sporting the style of jet-black hair and sadness. You can try to convince the world that your golden tan isn’t hot, but good luck with that. Because…
Being Pale is Stupid: Hey, don’t hate. We didn’t make up this rule. It just…is. It’s not like the human race got together one day to vote on whether or not men looked better tan or pale. Men just look better tan. In fact, if you let yourself get pale enough, people will start asking about your health. Do you want a gal to put her hand on your shoulder, tilt her head to one side, and ask, “How ya feeling?” Or do you want a gal to place her hand on your arm and pretend to ask for the time because she needed an ice breaker before approaching your fine self?
Dwayne Johnson Has a Bronze Complexion: That’s all. I mean, do we need to explain further? He’s The Rock, for crying out loud.
Hey, someone had to say it. We here at Bro Glo don’t shy away from the facts, and the fact is that pale men are old hat, and today’s men need self-tanner. What do you need to be further convinced, a sixth reason? Because Jason Momoa. Boom.
- Tags: Tanning